How Anxiety Affects Her Plans

– If I have something
coming up that’s bringing me

out of my comfort zone,

from that day on I will think about that,

and like harp on it,

and let it eat me alive
until the day it happens.

‘Cause it can, it can consume me

to the point where I’m
not focusing on, like,

what’s happening to me
that day or in that moment.

I’m just worried about, like,

what’s going to happen in the future.

So, that’s really stressful.

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I know that I live a
very fortunate lifestyle.

I know that I might not have
some of the daily struggles

that some people might have.

I have a really great family.
I have a wonderful job.

I’m stable financially. I’m
very blessed and fortunate.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t
have crippling anxiety.

A lot of my anticipatory anxiety is, like,

honing in or focusing almost too much

on one thing that might bring
me out of my comfort zone,

and just like not being able
to get it out of my head

until it actually happens.

I, for example, really, really
don’t like public speaking.

Like, it makes me really
nervous and uncomfortable.

But then there’s moments
in my life, you know,

as a public figure that I do have

to kind of be in that position.

It’s just so many eyeballs
looking at you at one time.

I’ve messed up before, too.

And you know, people still
bring it up to this day.

Like, it’s just so embarrassing.
You know what I mean?

You’re just like, oh my God, like,

how can I have messed up that bad?

It still is never gonna be, like,

something that I’m super stoked on.

It will always make me nervous.

– Anticipatory anxiety is
when you are feeling anxious

about something that hasn’t happened yet

and may never happen.

So, you’re anticipating
that something catastrophic

or disastrous is going to happen.

– Oh my God, that’s me.

That’s literally me.
– How does it happen

for you?
– It’s like all I think about.

I mean, I’m like doomsday.

Like, I like literally
start to think about, like,

the worst possible thing
that could happen, or like-

– The thing about anticipatory
anxiety is people feel

like it protects me

to feel like I know
what’s going to happen.

And eventually something bad will happen,

’cause it just does in life.
– Right, right.

– But really what it is, it’s
kind of a hyper-vigilance.

It’s always being worried that

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the other shoe is going to drop.

– Right.

– And it’s always a
negative view of the future.

It’s never like
anticipating something good,

if you notice that.
– Right, right, right.

– And so it comes out in
all kinds of contexts.

It comes out in work.

Like, if someone has a
presentation at work,

they come up with all
these ways that it’s going

to go badly, or they’re in a relationship

and their boyfriend or
girlfriend comes home

and they’re kind of distant.

And they immediately go to,

this person’s gonna break up with me,

as opposed to, maybe that person
just had a bad day at work.

– Right, right.
– But, they construct

these stories in their
minds about what it means.

So, they add meaning to something
that isn’t actually there.

– I feel like my version of
anticipatory anxiety might not

be the worst.

It might not be that bad.

But, how bad can it get?

When do you know that
someone might need help

or it might get to a
point that it’s crippling?

– Some anticipatory anxiety is healthy.

So, you’re going into a new experience,

like you’re taking a test or
you’re going into an interview,

you want to have that adrenaline going.

You want to be focused and on your game.

But where it starts to be problematic is

when it cripples you,

when it interferes with your functioning.

So, some people will say,

I can’t go to a party
because I’m so worried.

– [Kendall] Afraid of this or that.

– Yes, or I can’t go
interview for that job,

or I can’t go on that date
because I get too anxious.

So, it’s really interfering

with your day to day functioning.

When you’ve experienced
anticipatory anxiety,

how do you know that you’re having it?

Do you feel it in your
body? What happens for you?

– For example, I don’t like
public speaking very much.

The moment that I, you know, schedule it

and I know it’s happening to
the moment it actually happens,

like, I will think about it constantly

and it’ll just, like, eat me alive.

Like, I won’t be able to forget about it.

And the day I’m getting ready to go,

I just have like so much anxiety.

Like, it feels like my
blood is, like, boiling

and I’m just like about, I’m like shaking.

Like, my mouth is dry.

– It can feel like a
panic attack sometimes.

And then if someone has a panic attack,

what happens is they worry
they’re gonna have another.

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So they end up feeling like,

I’m so worried that I’m gonna
have another panic attack

that they end up having a panic attack

about the fact that they might
have another panic attack.

And that’s what’s so
insidious about anxiety.

I think another thing that happens

is people are perfectionists.

And if you feel like
there’s no room for error,

you’re gonna feel really anxious

about it.
– [Kendall] That’s me.

– And if you think that
everyone’s gonna notice

that you made the mistake.

– Yeah, exactly.
– Right?

So, no one really notices,

but you think everyone’s
really examining you that way.

So, a lot of people who
are perfectionistic tend

to have a lot of anxiety
around public appearances.

– Yeah, I’m a big perfectionist.

– Yeah.
– Like, never want to mess up,

I want to do everything perfect.

– Right, and so I would
say to somebody like that

in therapy, so what’s
the worst that can happen

if you’re up there and you, you know,

don’t do something perfectly?

– I guess like if you mess
up enough that people notice,

they just make fun of you.

That’s the worst that can happen.

– See, I think it shows that you’re human.

– We have some audience questions

’cause I really wanted to
bring the audience into this.

– Sure.

– How do you prevent
letting your mind wander

into anticipation anxiety?

– Staying present.

So, if you notice that
you’re in the future

or you’re in the past, to
really ground yourself.

And there are a lot of grounding exercises

that people can do to stay present.

And one of them is called the
five, four, three, two, one.

Which is you notice, like,

five things that you can see right now,

four things that you can hear right now,

three things that you can feel right now,

two things that you can,
you know, smell right now,

one thing that you can-
– Taste.

– Taste, there you go.

You go through the
senses, exactly, exactly.

And it really brings you into the present

because you have to really notice.

– Yeah. All right, next question.

Does anxiety cause memory loss issues?

I’ve never heard that question before.

– Well, that’s actually a great question

because when we’re anxious,
we secrete stress hormones.

And when you have chronic
over-secretion of stress hormones,

it can affect your memory
and it can affect your brain.

Not to make you more anxious.

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– I had no idea.

And honestly, I think
that makes so much sense.

My memory is terrible and my
stress levels are so high.

That is so interesting. I had no idea.


I’ve been asking all the professionals

that I’ve been speaking with
just some advice or tips that,

you know, viewers can apply to their lives

and take home with them.

– There are so many ways
that people can manage

their anxiety.

And some things that they
can do on their own have

to do partly with some
grounding exercises.

So one of them we talked
about earlier, the five, four,

three, two, one.

Another one is you can go to the freezer,

grab some ice, and put ice in your hands.

– Okay.

– And what that does is,
when you’re spinning,

it redirects all of that energy.

– Senses and stuff.
– Right, your senses

to the cold on your hands.

And you rub the ice between your hands,

and it takes you right
out of where you were

because now your whole body is focused

on there’s something very,
very cold in my hands.

– I love that. Well, thank you so much.

– [Lori] My pleasure.
– This has been awesome.

I appreciate your advice. I
appreciate all the information.

I think this is really helpful.

And I learned stuff
today, so that’s awesome.

I appreciate you.

– And thank you so much
for talking about this

because I think I think that
a lot of people can relate

to all of the experiences that
you have in their own lives.

– Yeah. Well, thank you.

There’s been so many situations
where I’ve had to kind of,

like, face fears or face
situations like that.

And like honestly, like,
own all that anxiety.

Like, you just have to do it
to not only grow as a person

but, like, become a better
person and, you know,

show that you care about a situation.

After this whole series,

I’ve really come to the
conclusion that I want

to be more present, that I just want

to like actually really, really try

to be as present as I possibly can.

It’s an awesome feeling when
you hear a professional talking

about something that’s so
similar to your situation.

It’s a great way to not
feel alone in it all.

So, I think that’s the main thing I’d love

for people to take away from it.

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